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Wednesday 7 March 2012

Aadmi Waha Ja Nahi Sakta?

Teacher Ne Class Mein Santa Se Pucha.
Teacher: “Aisi Konsi Jagha Hai Jise Banaya To Aadmi Ne Hai, Par Phir Bhi Vo Wahan Nahi Ja Sakta?
Santa Kuch Soch Ke: “Madam Ji, Ladies Toilet

Khan Ko Chutiya Banati Hai Sali.

Khan Fauj Mein Tha, Kafi Time Ke Baad Ghar Aya To Dekha Ki Biwi Ek Chote Se Bache Ko God Mein Bitha Ke Doodh Pila Rahi Hai.
Khan Gusse Se Biwi Ko Bola: “Mere Bina Tu Pregnant Kaise Ho Gayi?
Biwi Usko Bevkoof Banate Hue: “Ji, Main Roj Aapki Id Photo Ko Dekh Ke Mannat Mangti Thi
Khan Gusse Se: “Sali, Mujhe Chutiya Samjhti Hai, Photo To Passport Size Ka Hai, Usmein Samaan Kidhar Hai?

Isharo Ki Language Ki Problem

Pappu Bachpan Mein Bada Hi Shaitan Tha, Aur Badi Sharate Kiya Karta Tha
Ek Din Uske Rishtedari Mein Ek Shadi Thi, Santa-Preeto Iss Sharat Par Shaadi Mein Lekar Jate Hai Ki Wo Kisi Se Bolega Nahi,
Pappu Sharat Maan Kar Shadi Mein Aa Jata Hai, Aur Sharat Ke Mutabik Kisi Se Nahi Bolta,
Lekin Thodi Hi Der Mein Ek Aadmi Pappu Ki Shikayat Lekar Santa-Preeto Ke Paas Aa Jata Hai Aur Bolta Hai,
Aadmi: “Aapka Bachha Bahut Hi Gande-Gande Ishare Kar Raha Hai
Santa: “Kis Tarah Ke Ishare Kar Raha Tha?
Aadmi: “Pehle To Usne Hath Mein Lund Bana Kar Dikhaya, Phir Hath Mein Chut Bana Kar Dikhayi Aur Uske Baad Hath Se Chodne Ka Ishara Karne Laga
Santa Ne Pappu Ko Bulaya Aur Usko Bahut Danta Aur Pucha: “Kya Gande-Gande Ishare Kar Raha Tha Be Tu?
Pappu: “Main To Hath Se Lund Bana Kar Inse Puch Raha Tha Ki Aap Ladke Walo Ki Taraf Se Ho Kya?
Jab Ye Kuch Nahi Bole To Mene Chut Bana Kar Pucha Ki Aap Ladki Walo Ki Taraf Se Ho Kya?
Jab Ye Dono Baar Mein Kuch Nahi Bole Tab Mene Inse Ishare Mein Pucha: “Jab Ladka Aur Ladki Kisi Bhi Side Se Nahi Ho To Yaha Kya Gand Marvane Aaye Ho?

Oh Poor Embarrassed Lady

A Young Woman Had Given Birth In The Elevator Of A New Delhi Hospital, And Was Embarrassed About It.
One Of The Doctors, In An Effort To Console Her, Said: “Dont Feel Bad, Two Years Ago A Lady Delivered In The Front Yard Of The Hospital.
The New Mother Burst Out Crying: “I Know, That Was Me, Too.

Sex Ke Liye Konsa Time Sahi Hai?

Ek Aurat Sex Se Related Problem Leke Doctor Ke Pass Gayi.
Aurat: “Doctor Saab, Sex Ke Liye Konsa Time Sahi Hai?
Doctor Kuch Sochkar: “Dophar 2 Se 4 Baje Tak
Aurat Ne Hairan Hokar Puchha: “Wo Kyun?
Doctor: “Kyunki Us Waqt Clinic Mein Koi Nahi Hota

Ijjat Bachana Bahut Hi Mushkil Hai

Sholey Movie Mein Se Udaya Gaya Ek Aur Scene
Basanti Ke Piche Daku Pade Hue The, Usne Chilla Ke Dhanno Ko Kaha
Basanti: “Bhaag Dhanno Bhaag Meri Ijjat Khatre Mein Hai
Dhanno: “Tujhe Apni Ijjat Ki Fikar Hai, Idhar Meri Bhi To Ijjat Khatre Mein Hai
Basanti Hairani Se: “Arey Dhanno Kaise?
Dhanno: “Daku Godo Par Hai Na

Mallika Sherawat Ki Problem

Mallika Sherawat Badi Dukhi Si Hokar Apne Family Doctor Ke Pass Gayi Aur Boli.
Mallika Sherawat: “Doctor Saab, Aajkal Bahut Thak Jati Hun, Lagta Hai Khoon Kam Ho Gaya Hai
Doctor Ne Kuch Socha Aur Pucha: “Periods Ke Waqt Kitna Loss Hota Hai?
Mallika Sochte Hue: “Kam Se Kam 4-5 Lakh Rupaye Ka To Ho Hi Jata Hai

Ab Roz Roz Condom Lagane Se Chutti

Santa Ke Do Bache The Aur Uski Biwi Nahi Chahti Thi Ki Aur Bachhe Ho
So Isliye Vo Use Har Bar Sex Karte Hue Condom Lagane Ko Bola Karti Thi
Ek Din Raat Ko Santa Jab Sex Karne Laga To Condom Lagate Hue Bola
Santa: “Uff Ye Roz Roz Condom Laga Ke Main To Dukhi Ho Gaya Hun
Biwi Sharmate Hue Masumiyat Se Boli: “Aap Ispe Lamination Hi Kyu Nahi Karva Lete?

Bhabhi Ji Se Double Meaning Baat Nahi Karni Chahiye

Ek Naai Ki Dukaan Ke Upar Ghar Tha.
Ek Din Ghar Ki Ek Aurat Ne Bahar Ki Taraf Apni Sadi Sukhne Ke Liye Dali.
Dukan Mein Andhera Ho Gaya To Naai Ne Jor Se Awaaz Lagayi.
Naai: “Bhabhi  Ji, Sadi Uper Utha Lo Mene Baal Kaatne Hai

Qurbani Dene Se Kya Milega?

Ek Molvi Samne Bethe Kuch Budhe Logo Ko Updesh De Raha Tha
Molvi: “Qurbani Doge To Jannat Mein Jaaoge, Wahan Khoob Hoor Pariya Milengi
Piche Betha Ek Budha Bola: “Par Molvi Ji, Vaha Viagra Kon Dega?

Bandar Ne Sher Ki Gaand Mar Li

Ek Baar Sher Ke Man Mein Sex Karne Ki Aa Gayi To Wo Bander Ko Bola.
Sher: “Aaja Gand Maarna Khelte Hai
Bander: “Pehle Main Marunga
Sher Ne Kuch Socha Aur Bola: “Theek Hai
Bander Ne Ek Ghante Tak Sher Ki Tasalli Se Maari Aur Maarne Ke Baad Bhaag Gaya.
Sher Ko Bada Gussa Aya Aur Vo Bhi Uske Piche Bhaag Liya.
Dhundte Dhundte Sher Ek Gaanv Mein Pahucha.
Wahaa Ek Aadmi Nahane Ki Taiyari Mein Apne Kapde Aur Newspaper Table Par Rakh Kar Nahane Chala Gaya.
Bander Ne Dekha Aur Uske Kapde Pahne Aur Newspaper Padne Ka Natak Karte Hue Table Par Beth Gaya.
Itne Mein Sher Bhaga-Bhaga Aaya Aur Bahar Bethe Bander Se Puchha.
Sher: “Aapne Kisi Bander Ko Jate Hue Dekha Hai?
Bander: “Wahi Bander Na, Jisne Aapki Gaand Mari Hai?”
Sher Ke To Tote Udd Gaye Aur Hairani Se Bola: “Ji, Par Aap Ko Kaise Pata Chala
Bander: “Akhbar Mein Headline Hai – Bander Ne Sher Ki Maar Li.