This Is Old Man Is So Nice

A Blind Man Was Walking Down The Street With His Dog.
They Stopped At The Corner To Wait For The Passing Traffic.
The Dog, At This Point, Started Pissing On The Mans Leg.
As The Dog Finished The Man Reached Into His Coat Pocket And Pulled Out A Doggie Treat And Started Waving It At The Dog.
A Passerby Saw All The Events Happening And Was Shocked.
He Approached The Blind Man And Asked How He Could Possibly Reward The Dog For Such A Nasty Deed.
The Blind Man Replied “Oh I’m Not Rewarding Him, I’m Just Trying To Find His Head So I Can Kick His Fuckin’ Ass“

Biwi Se Syanpanti Nahi Karni Chahiye

"Bahut Se Log Apni Biwiyo Se Syanpanti Karte Hai Aur Sochte Hai Ki Budhu Banaye, Par Is Biwi Ne To Haal Behaal Kar Diye"

Ek Aadmi Fauj Mein Tha Aur Har Mahine Biwi Ko Paise Bheja Karta Tha
Ek Bar Us Ne Apni Biwi Ko Khat Likha: “Is Mahine Salary Ke Badle 100 Kiss Bhej Raha Hoon”
Biwi Bhi Puri Tez Thi Palat Ke Jawab Bheja: “Aap Ki Salary Ke Badle 100 Kiss Milay, Hisab Bhej Rahi Hoon:
Doodh Wala 2 Kiss Mein Hi Maan Gaya,
Teacher Ko 7 Deni Padi,
Sabzi Wala 7 Main Nahi Mana To 9 Dene Padi,
Kiryanewala 9 Kiss Se Nahi Mana To Usko 5 Aur Di,
Makaan Malik To Roz 6-7 Le Hi Jata Hai,
Aap Chinta Mat Karna, Mere Pass Approx 35 Aur Hai, Yeh Mahina Aaram Se Kat Jayega.”

Yaar Ese Na Kar Chusne De

Ladki: “Jaanu Mere Muh Mein Daalo, Main Choosungi”
Ladka: “Nahi Nahi, Tum Kha Gayi To Main Kya Karunga?”
Ladki: “Yaar Itne Kanjus Na Bano, Tum Doosri Cornetto Le Lena“

Who Was In Charge?

Once Time All The Organs Of The Body Were Having A Meeting, Trying To Decide Who Was In Charge.
The Brain Said: “I Should Be In Charge, Because I Run All The Body’s Systems, So Without Me Nothing Would Happen”
The Heart Said: “I Should Be In Charge, Because I Pump The Blood And Circulate Oxygen All Over The Body, So Without Me You’d All Waste Away.”
The Stomach Said: “I Should Be In Charge, Because I Process Food And Give All Of You Energy.”
The Rectum Said: “I Should Be In Charge, Because I’m Responsible For Waste Removal.”
All The Other Body Parts Laughed At The Rectum And Insulted Him, So In A Huff, He Shut Down Tight.
Within A Few Days, The Brain Had A Terrible Headache, The Stomach Was Bloated, And The Blood Was Toxic.
Eventually The Other Organs Gave In. They All Agreed That The Rectum Should Be The Boss.
The Moral Of The Story? The Asshole Is Always In Charge.

Din Raat Dikhe Bas Mujhe Ek Hi Cheez

Pappu Ne Santa Se Puchha: “Papa, Mummy Ke Do Aur Cow Ke Chaar Kyu Hote Hai?”
Santa: “Madarchod, Kaha Se Sikh Ke Aaya Hai Ye Sab Tu”
Pappu: “Papa, Main To Taangon (Legs) Ki Baat Kar Raha Hoon, Apko To Din Raat Bas Chuchi Hi Dikhti Hai“

Use With Caution

A Man In Hurry By Mistake Uses Ladies Toilet In A Five Star Hotel.
He Sits Down And Notices 4 Buttons- WW, WA, PP & APR.
Curious, He Presses WW & He Is Gently Sprayed With Warm Water,
Then WA, A Blast Of Warm Air Dries Him.
Then PP, A Powder Puff Which Left Him Smelling Fresh.
Feeling Pampered He Presses APR.
Next Day He Wakes Up In Hospital.
He Asked the nurse: “What Happened To Me, All I Remember Is I Pressed APR”
A Nurse Smiled And Said “APR Meant Automatic Pad Remover Your Cock And Balls Are In This Jar, If You Want, Take Them.”

Tharki Aunti, Pappu Ki Deewani

Jawan Ladka Apni Jawan Aunti Ke Sath Scooter Par Ja Raha Tha,
Jab Bhi Aunti Ke Boobs Uski Kamar Par Lagte To Wo Kahta,
Ladka: “Na Pappu Na Ye Aunti Hai”
Ghar Aa Ke Aunti Ne Use Pucha: “Tu Kis Pappu Se Baatein Kar Raha Tha?”
Ladke Ne Sharmate Hue Kaha: “Mera Baar-Baar Khada Ho Raha Tha To Main Isko Samjha Raha Tha Ke Pappu Khada Na Ho Ye Aunti Hai”
Aunti Khushi Se Boli: “Hat Pagal, Tu Pappu Ko Na Rok, Aunti To Main Teri Hoon Pappu Ki To Nahi“